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Post by denise on Dec 30, 2022 20:15:38 GMT -5
Intimacy
He discovered he was dissatisfied with his strike-anywhere matches -- those cheap paper sticks that were guaranteed to produce a pleasurable hiss after being struck.
What he wanted was a controlled burn, a fire with perfect color and intensity -- even a safety match, its tip impregnated with pungent phosphorus would not do --
so he chose carefully and taking his kindling out of isolation, he married it with the perfect aromatic log, gently stroked the match, and lit the fire
reverently. Burn, burn! Mesmerized, he fanned the flame until it glowed -- first red, then white.
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Post by cathyw on Jan 5, 2023 11:24:06 GMT -5
Hello Denise. Thank you for this lovely short poem. The title is perfect, especially with "dissatisfied" following so quickly at the end of the first line. The imagery in the first two stanzas is spot on and your line breaks are perfect. I get thrown a little with what the images are in the third stanza, probably my ignorance. Still, "lit the fire / reverently" is fantastic and your closing is breathtaking. Burn, burn!
Thank you for this.
Cathy
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Post by Gerry on Jan 5, 2023 22:24:22 GMT -5
Denise, this poem presents such a clear and well wrought metaphor of intimacy. Well done. If I have any concerns about it, it's that there feels like it has some minor wordiness--or more accurately it needs some cutting and changes to better attend to the music of the poem (consider how "before" echoes "phosPHORous" and then leads to "fire" and "first." It's training the ear in this way that is often difficult to attend to.
I had to take photos of the poems because I'm not near a scanner, so I'll send it by email.
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Post by susandines on Jan 6, 2023 11:57:14 GMT -5
Hello Denise,
First, I have to say, I love short poems. The title plays well against the first line: Intimacy and dissatisfaction—creates a certain kind of friction. The sounds are lovely. And then the poem concludes with a real intimacy, one that is given the care and attention to burn "red" to "white." I also enjoy the movement of the poem, how intimacy is discovered "reverently" and "gently." Thanks for sharing!
All the best,
Susan
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