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Post by bluebird on Jul 16, 2024 15:35:00 GMT -5
Summer in the Green Mountains
On a country road that begins in the northeast Kingdom of Vermont, there isn't much, really, but pastures and hay fields divided by barbed wire fences.
When you cross the Canadian border into Quebec, fences disappear. Cypress trees divide crops from pastures.
You feel as though you are in a painting by Van Gough. At the beginning of an end-of-summer day we drove across the border. The hands of our wrist watches seemed to stop.
The sun, climbing the sky, cast a golden haze over acres of already blazing fields of wild mustard that flooded towards us from the purple mountains.
Forgetting now, that almost every day is fraught with disappointments, I watched the fields we passed and then, on a hillock, saw, in a small corral, a young woman grooming a Palomino's mane while her own hair was being tangled by the morning wind.
Minutes later, I saw a farmer in a faded red tractor plow under spent corn stalks.
Between the foothills to Owl's Head Mountain, I saw the pale, pink shine of a small lake and I thought of the petit fours we'd surely indulge ourselves with once we drove up to Owl's Head Village and the small French Bakery there.
In the ruddy haze of afternoon, driving back to Vermont but on a different road, we saw again how both fallow and harvested fields were now overwhelmed by the wild strength of bright-as-the-sun, mustard. The harvested oats, rolled into gigantic wheels of wire-wrapped fodder to feed dairy cows during what, in Vermont, is always a deep snow and long-lasting, winter, seemed, monolithic.
Yes, how impressive the oat wheels were, lined up so neatly along the road.
Not long after, I saw a long line of Blank Angus cattle, winding slowly down a path through stubble with a few bits of green grass poking through.
I looked down that line and saw it was headed towards a slaughter house.
Calm and in an orderly fashion, the beef cattle descended as if nothing was particularly disturbing.
Then, one stopped for a moment and, with what I knew were velvet-soft lips, pulled up a few blades of the end of summer grass.
Pull over, I said, and we did.
He chewed quite some while before swallowing. Then, moving his mud-caked hooves he continued plodding down the ditch-like path to the slaughter house below.
Out of nowhere, flew a golden Cedar Waxwing that landed on his flank. After riding in style for awhile, with its bright orange beak, it began to peck his fleas.
Karen Hurley-Heyman working draft, 7/16/24
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Post by susank on Jul 16, 2024 17:06:38 GMT -5
This line grabbed me: "Pull over, I said, and we did." The poem feels slow and languid - all those colors and textures. And then the imperative: pull over.
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Post by bluebird on Jul 16, 2024 17:28:04 GMT -5
Thanks Susan....I appreciate your comment because I thought that was kind of a throw away line and yet, as you have pointed out to me....it was, really, the whole point of the poem...so, I am going to reflect on that.
I went ahead and let myself be "wordy" and undisciplined because the poem was about that kind of day of freedom....but really, you pointing out the line "pull over" puts me to thinking that yes, that IS what the poem is really about... the steer "pulled over" to eat the grass and I am at a time in my life when I too need to "pull over" get a better handle on, taste of, and appreciation for everything. Thanks so much. KH
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shelleyg
New Member
Ready for this journey!
Posts: 31
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Post by shelleyg on Jul 17, 2024 6:39:36 GMT -5
I love the way this poem takes me on a slow journey allowing me to see even the smallest things. I love how you zoom in and gently zoom back out to see the most lovely bigger picture.
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Post by denise on Jul 17, 2024 10:46:15 GMT -5
Karen -- what strikes me is how you have woven the sad (to me) reality of the cattle going to slaughter with the beauty of the countryside and the waxwing. For some reason, I keep going back to the one line "Forgetting now that almost every day is fraught/with disappointments..." which adds another layer of meaning to this poem. Part of me wants to have a couple of additional lines about this and another part of me thinks the one line is perfect! As others have said, you have so many lovely images. I spent many happy childhood years in Jamaica, East Jamaica, Townsend and Brattleboro, VT and have a sister who has lived a long time on the Canadian border in Derby. Thanks for taking me back to the Green Mountains!
Denise
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Post by Gerry on Jul 19, 2024 11:30:25 GMT -5
Karen, there's a poem in here, but it starts with too much set up, too much that we don't need to know. Get us on the road. As we talked about in workshop, avoiding the "I saw" language gives the poem more engagement with the reader--we know you saw it and by removing that language and just presenting the image, the reader doesn't have to see it as mediated by you. We just experience it. This will help you maintain the travel story which seems crucial (this is metaphoric after all) while providing a bit more lyric intensity for the reader. From there it's about cutting and finding the most essential moments that you need us to experience with you.
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