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Post by denise on Jul 23, 2024 8:26:12 GMT -5
The Widow
She sits alone in a corner, seeming to lean away when anyone draws near,
her left hand clutching a thin volume of poems. The room is bursting
with the pub’s usual suspects: a mélange of grizzly Lotharios
and twenty-something wannabees.
You might think she is waiting for a blind date (I’ll be the one in the corner
with the book, one could imagine her saying), or possibly she just wants to hide –
not necessarily an impossible task buried, as she is, in this crowd that has most
definitely never heard of Plath.
Look closely.
Closer.
See her flinch when “Everybody Dies” erupts from the jukebox, shudder
when the dancing starts.
If you meet her eyes, will she smile or look straight
through
you?
Somehow, you know she knows
she does not belong,
not here-
maybe
not anywhere.
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Post by bluebird on Jul 24, 2024 10:05:38 GMT -5
Hmmmm....at first I thought perhaps this was written in response
to a painting. I love the line: I'll be the one in the corner with the book.
Somehow that makes the waiting (for something, or for someone) so
essential . Perhaps "she" is Plath? Or suicidal? Lots of mystery here.
The sense of being out of place or not one of the crowd is very clear...
I think this is a common feeling we all experience at times in our lives;
that we are definitely not fitting in....but you also mention that she
just wants to "hide" so maybe she is slumming it or just there to observe
and soak up atmosphere...however the sense of not belonging here....
which leads to "maybe not anywhere" creates (for me) empathy for her.
Structurally the first part is more like sentences in a kind of "paragraph"
form. But then after "Look closely" the pattern changes to broken lines
or sometimes just a single word. To me, the second part after "look
closely" is the real poem. It could almost stand alone. The word "jukebox"
helps us envision the environment...as does the word "dancing." The
question I have is; who is the YOU in the line "you know she knows" that's
an area of interest to me.
I've very much enjoyed your work, especially the variety of its topics and
styles. It was a pleasure being in a workshop with you.
Karen
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Post by denise on Jul 24, 2024 17:32:52 GMT -5
Thank you again, Karen. I appreciate your feedback very much and always feel like you "get" what I am saying. In fact, I am still thinking about your comments on my first (July 4th) poem. Something you said about your feeling that there was something more there...something the speaker was feeling...and I think you were exactly right. I just didn't realize it! I am continuing to work on my revisions. Hope to see you in another workshop soon!
Best,
Denise
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Post by Gerry on Jul 25, 2024 11:10:58 GMT -5
Powerful portrait of this widow trying to once again get out in the world. It's almost there. A touch of reordering could do most of the work.... This reminds me of some of Jo McDougall's poems. If you don't know her work, I suggest you check her out. |
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