shelleyg
New Member
Ready for this journey!
Posts: 31 
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Post by shelleyg on Jul 23, 2024 19:07:05 GMT -5
Why I Hate Geraniums I walk past it again––
the pitted cement flowerbox
on the low brick wall
of my Brooklyn porch
full of dusty geraniums
dull survivors, bearing dumb witness
to the noisy pile of twelve-year-olds
pretending adulthood
the sullen fifteen-year-old
with Janis Joplin hair
sneaking in past curfew
The seventeen-year-old
in frayed bellbottoms and fry boots
afraid the world will end
when she leaves for college
The flower box is reflected
in the windows of the Livingroom
A roiling collage of film clips:
My dad asleep on the couch
My neighbor who pulled the curtains and
relieved me of my innocence
That porch I lingered on
when I left school early
Who would watch my mother
as she woke
from electroshock haze
Who would remind her
who she was and
where she was and
that I was her daughter
I have to go now
before she wakes
_I hate Geraniums rev 3.docx (16.24 KB)
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Post by bluebird on Jul 24, 2024 9:45:52 GMT -5
Shelly; here are some thoughts after a first reading
-I like a lot the way the last word of the first stanza
(witness) is part of a statement that begins the second
stanza....I was looking forward to a similar technique at
the end of stanza 2...after college. But that didn't happen,
so, I wonder why there wasn't a punctuation mark after
college to indicate the end of that section...this, because
the third stanza leaps to an entirely a different time
(perhaps) . Here I became a little confused: did the neighbor
open or shut the curtains. and was she with you in her
house or was she with your dad in the house I assume you
shared with him. (where is mom? IS there a mom?)...so
many questions; then in the next stanza we find out that mom
was in treatment, yet she seems also to be in the house
with your dad??? So, I think there is a lot to unpack here
and I wonder if perhaps the poem could offer more certainty
about who, where, what, why, when....but then maybe the
uncertainty is the point, esp. if the poem is from the point
of view of a young girl or teenage girl.
The title "Why I hate Geraniums" is clarified by the events, but I
am still unclear about whether the poem begins with you
seeing them when YOU were a teen-ager OR when you returned
to see the later in life (re: I walk past it again) Also, are they real
or are they plastic.
Just so many questions, not that you have to answer them for
me but I hope you answer them for yourself and then can determine
why you wrote this poem and what you want to share with the
reader about why you wrote this poem.
As you know, I appreciate and like your work ... you have a real
knack for creating a who, a where, and when...I'd love to know more
about the what and why; what is at the heart/core of what you are
writing and I will not presume to know what that is.
I've enjoyed your work during this workshop. Karen.
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Post by denise on Jul 24, 2024 17:39:47 GMT -5
Shelley -- I really like this version, including the last two lines, which to me says so much about the emotional state of the speaker and lends another layer of vulnerability that is very appealing.
It was great to hear you speak about all the poetic work in which you are immersed, and I admire the work you are doing -- not to mention the sheer volume of it! It has been a source of inspiration for me. Hope to see you in workshop again soon.
Best,
Denise
P.S. Thanks for reading my poem today! It helped me to hear it read. Appreciate it!
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Post by Gerry on Jul 25, 2024 11:09:05 GMT -5
So much is working here, Shelley. You don't need the last two lines as the penultimate stanza is just heartbreaking. But now you gotta get there. A few more glimpses of the house--not the people but the house--could do it... |
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